When the Darkness Comes Earlier

When the clocks change, and grief feels a little heavier.

Twice a year, we change the clocks.

An hour forward. An hour back.

Such a small adjustment, really.

But there's something about turning the clocks back in the fall that feels different.

One day, you're making dinner while the sun is still finding its way through the windows. The next, you're looking outside at 5 o'clock, wondering how the day disappeared so quickly.

The evenings feel longer.

The house feels quieter.

And for someone who is grieving, sometimes that extra darkness can feel like more than just a change in the season.

Because grief has a way of filling the quiet.

During the day, there are distractions.

Work to finish.

Children to care for.

Errands to run.

Conversations to have.

A hundred little things that keep life moving.

But then the sun goes down.

The house settles.

The noise fades.

And suddenly, there's room for everything you've been carrying.

The memories.

The conversations you wish you could have.

The person you would give anything to call one more time.

Sometimes it's not that we're thinking about them any more than usual.

It's that the world has finally become quiet enough for us to hear those thoughts.

And that quiet can be difficult.

There's something about darkness arriving before dinner that can make the day feel unfinished. Like the world is telling us it's time to slow down, even when our minds aren't ready.

Maybe you find yourself missing the person who used to sit beside you in the evenings.

The one who called after work.

The one who watched television with you.

The one who made the house feel a little less empty.

Or maybe the darkness brings back memories of a season you spent with them. A holiday. A familiar routine. A time in your life when everything looked different.

Grief doesn't always need a specific anniversary to make itself known.

Sometimes all it takes is the sun setting a little earlier.

And there's another part of this season that can be difficult to explain.

While the world begins preparing for the holidays, decorating homes and planning gatherings, some people are quietly preparing themselves for another season without someone they love.

The holidays are coming.

The nights are getting longer.

And the empty spaces can feel a little more noticeable.

But I've been thinking about something.

We turn the clocks back an hour, but we can't turn back time.

And isn't that something grief makes us wish for?

Not necessarily a whole lifetime.

Sometimes just one more hour.

One more dinner.

One more phone call.

One more conversation.

One more chance to hear their laugh.

An hour that wouldn't change what happened, but would mean everything to the person who misses them.

There can be a particular ache in knowing that time continues moving forward, even when part of our hearts wishes it would stand still.

But maybe there's another way to look at the changing clocks.

We may not be able to return to the moments we miss, but we can still make room for the memories they left behind.

Maybe an earlier evening becomes a chance to look through old photographs.

Maybe it's lighting a candle while making their favorite dinner.

Maybe it's wrapping up in a blanket, watching a familiar movie, or sharing a story about them with someone who remembers.

Or maybe it's simply sitting quietly and allowing ourselves to miss them.

Not every dark evening needs to become something meaningful.

Some nights may just feel hard.

And that's okay too.

As the days grow shorter, there may be moments when grief feels a little closer. Changes in daylight and seasonal routines can affect our mood, sleep, and energy, and those changes may feel especially difficult when we're already carrying loss.

If the darker evenings are weighing on you, a little extra light, time outdoors during the day, connection with someone you trust, or a familiar comforting routine may help.

Not as a way to erase the grief.

Just as a way to make some of those longer evenings feel a little less lonely.

Because even though the sun is setting earlier, it hasn't stopped rising.

Tomorrow will bring another morning.

Another chance to remember.

Another chance to feel connected.

Another chance for a small moment of warmth.

And while we can't turn back time, we can continue carrying the love that made those moments so meaningful in the first place.

A little reflection...

If you could turn back the clock and have just one more hour with someone you miss, how would you spend it?

Would you have a conversation? Share a meal? Ask a question? Or simply sit together and enjoy being in their presence?

Sometimes the simplest moments are the ones we wish we could return to.

written by Ashley Donovan